Sigh, Another One Bites The Dust!

 Not that I have all the confidence in the world, but I do know when to cut people off and I know what I deserve. My guy friends were shocked and shook their heads at me when I told them about me sleeping with Weedman on my first date, while my girl friends praised and wanted to know more details. My group of friends and I are late bloomers in life, I have only slept with 4 people (inclusive of Weedman). There are some bad decisions I made which both my guy friends and girl friends let me have it and gave me a lecture. 

Things with Weedman have died, not that we got into a fight or anything, we just stopped messaging each other. My last message was to him on Sunday, August 23rd and he read it and no response or no new dialogue. At this point, I am not chasing this guy. That week, I had an emotionally hard week. I went to a funeral yesterday where I had to see a childhood friend bury his dad and that brought up all the feelings again about my dad. 

I am too exhausted for this shit. One of my friends asked, how do I make sure my daughters don't grow up to be promiscuous?!  I always associated those who were promiscuous with having daddy issues or family issues and they were looking for validation and love. 

Today I realized why I sleep with these men who I have no true feelings for and that is that they have given me body validation. My parents being Korean are VERY superficial! 

Examples: 

  • I told my mom I wanted to go Korea to see my 90 something year old grandmother and she said I was too fat
  • My aunt told my mom that her son in law have men he would like to introduce me to, but I am too fat
  • Today I was talking to my mom about my dad's headstone and how it was ready. She then tells me that I came to her in a dream and I was skinny and I was so pretty, it made her happy
Although I grew up in a happy home my parents both loved me, but the body shaming is something I have had to deal with all my life. I guess when it comes to sex, people are just looking for validation from their partner. It doesn't take much for guys to say the one right thing.

Anyways, that is all I have to write for now. Going to take a quick break from online dating now that my work has ramped up again. Eventually I will find a guy who I will go on a third date with.. Until next time, stay safe!

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